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Being Nice Never Pays Off

Of course, it all starts in childhood. I was a very stubborn and opiniated child. This was a problem for my mom. Firstly, in Soviet Union, people were simply not allowed to think differently. No wonder, that my mom inherinted this fear like many other in the country. Secondly, she wanted to have authority, thus, thinking differently than her was not allowed also.

As follows, I was forced to become a sweet person, who is nice to everyone no matter what. Clearly, this unnecessary niceness has caused me many problems in adulthood, such as being taken for granted, lack of respect, and attention from creepy men. No, things are not that dramatic, my life has been full of many interesting and pleasant moments. At the same time, my life would have been way better by now, if I had sharp personal borders and strong opinions.

I can’t travel to the past, but I can take the responsibility for my future. I am in the process of setting personal borders, saying sharply ‘no’, focusing on important for me things, changing the circle of people I communicate with. It takes time, but it’s totally worth it. This is the question of my well-being and happiness.

Take care of yourself. Remember to say ‘no’, if you feel like it. Don’t waste your precious time on people, who will not give you a hand when you need it. Don’t go for a tea or coffee with someone just to kill loneliness. Stay home, go to a gym, clean, read a book instead. Do something for your beloved self. Being a b#tch is horrible, having healthy egoism is great. ❤️

6 thoughts on “Being Nice Never Pays Off

  1. I like that you clarify it’s really about a healthy sense of self. I had to learn the difference between ‘Nice’ and ‘Kind’. Being nice is all that you speak of above. Saying yes when you want to say no, to be polite, to be what you think is expected of you and to try not to hurt anyone’s feelings – but what about your feelings? You need to be respected too – especially by yourself.
    So I like measuring by ‘kindness’. To me this sometimes means saying No in a way that considers the other person’s feelings while respecting my own.
    I remember telling a boy, “No, I won’t go to the dance with you because I’m interested in another boy and I’m waiting for him to ask me.” It was a painful truth, but the truth. I knew it wasn’t ‘nice’ to refuse this boy. He had a crush on me, and he would be crushed by my answer. Some of my friends said it was mean because it was only one date. But I thought it was ‘kind’ to tell him no. If I had gone to the dance, his fantasy of being my boyfriend would have grown, and he would have spent all that money and hope on me. I had no interest in him, and I liked his friend and knew his friend liked me, so I knew I had to tell him that at some point. It was kind to hurt him more gently in the first moment than after he invested more in the dream – a smaller world to crash down on his head, I suppose. Still, I feel bad for him after all these years. But I think I did the right thing. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I appreciate your blog post! I can sense you are a very nice person, but yes, there should be a boundary. People shouldn’t take advantage of you. Being nice can be a weakness.

    Like

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